


Hidan and Kakuzu Really Aren’t the Best of Partners, But They Try Their Best.

by Pitiful_Prince



Series: Hidan Oneshot Series [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Frenemies, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Hidan (Naruto) Swears, Kakuzu is tired, Needles, Not Beta Read, Periods, Trans Male Character, trans Hidan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22797163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pitiful_Prince/pseuds/Pitiful_Prince
Summary: Hidan storms out of his and Kakuzu’s shared inn room after Kakuzu asks him about the blood on his sheets. After telling him what happened and the typical Hidan shouting fits, Kakuzu teaches him how the take a proper Testosterone shot before they leave.Fic featuring transgender ftm Hidan written by a trans guy. I used terms I use for myself.
Relationships: Hidan & Kakuzu (Naruto)
Series: Hidan Oneshot Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1641862
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	Hidan and Kakuzu Really Aren’t the Best of Partners, But They Try Their Best.

“Just shut the fuck up you shitty old man!” Hidan yelled. “It’s nothing! I’m fine!”

“Shut _up_ Hidan,” Kakuzu snapped. “There’s blood on your sheets and I’m going to have to pay for them. You owe me for this!” 

“You shut up! Hey, you know what? I’m gonna find this damn Jinchuriki all by myself without _any_ help from you! Go fuck yourself!”

“Hida-”

“La la la la!” Hidan loudly sang while plugging his ears. 

Hidan walked away from the bed he was laying on in the overnight inn they’d been sleeping at and slammed the room door behind him. Kakuzu felt the floor vibrate from the force of it. _He’ll be back in no more than two hours when he realizes he forgot his damn scythe,_ he angrily thought, spotting the weapon leaning on the wall. Kakuzu rubbed his temples to try and stop the headache he was sure was coming. They always happened when Hidan started acting like a child and shouting. Being partnered with such an obnoxious brat was slowly killing him even if he was immortal. He groaned and looked over to Hidan’s unmade bed. 

It was a plain bed with white sheets and comforters, and two pillows that, in Kakuzu’s opinion, were far too soft. In the middle of Hidan’s bed, sticking out like a sore thumb, was a drying puddle of blood. It was a small stain but Kakuzu knew that it wouldn’t wash out. And that meant that he’d have to compensate the inn service for not only their overnight stay, but also the useless sheets and the hole Hidan had cut in the wall. Hidan said it was an accident but Kakuzu didn’t believe him. Obviously. 

Sighing, Kakuzu got to work cleaning up yet another one of his partners messes. Out of every previous partner he’d had, Hidan was definitely the worst. He yelled, was messy, swore much too often, didn’t have any regard for money, and was a cultist. But the worst part about him was the fact that he was immortal. Even if he wanted to, Kakuzu couldn’t kill him to finally shut him up for good. He stripped the bed and folded the messy sheets up neatly. A few crumbs and grains of rice fell onto the floor. _Can’t Hidan even_ eat _right? How do you even make such a mess?_

Kakuzu glanced over to where Hidan had left his scythe. When the bastard came back he would probably just leave right after snagging it, so Kakuzu hid it under his own bed. An obvious spot to find it, but Hidan was not a smart man so it wasn’t a problem. Kakuzu would get an answer out of Hidan even if it killed him, impossible as it was. 

He placed the sheets in the corner and went to wash his hair and hands in the bathroom. Even though his long locks were covered almost all the time they still got greasy somehow. Kakuzu groaned and started to splash water onto his head and rub it in. By the time he was just starting to finish drying it, he heard an angry opening of the door. _Hidan’s back,_ he bitterly thought. Kakuzu quickly finished halfass drying his hair and threw his headpiece back on. He opened the bathroom door and was greeted with a short, seething man searching the room. 

“Hidan,” he said flatly. 

“Hey, Kakuzu, where the fuck is my scythe?” Hidan asked, clearly pissed off. 

“I hid it so you wouldn’t storm off again. I want you to tell me why you ruined the sheets and got so angry at me for just asking what happened.”

“Give me my scythe back, you shitty old man!”

“I’ll give it back once you answer me,” Kakuzu said, his tone getting more and more annoyed. 

Hidan glared at his taller partner and kept his mouth shut. Kakuzu held his forehead in his hand and went over the possible options he had. He could press Hidan for answers, drop the subject, or force him to answer. The latter seemed like a nice choice at this point. Clearly just asking him wasn’t going to do it. Hidan was a difficult man and difficult men were a pain. 

Suddenly, a lightbulb clicked in Kakuzu’s brain. _Of course._ That’s _why the blood was there,_ he thought. _Jesus, Hidan’s going to lose it when I say this._

“I thought that your injections stopped your cycle after six months. You’ve been taking testosterone for over two years now, right?”

“You think I’m on my fucking period or some shit?!” Hidan yelled. 

“Then did you stab yourself during a sleep ritual? You being on your period is the only logical answer, but hormone therapy stops them so I don’t understa-”

“They just happen sometimes still, alright?” Hidan said, calming down and looking at the floor in embarrassment. “And don’t call it a fucking period. That word’s disgusting.”

_Right on the dot as always, Doctor._ Kakuzu sighed and leaned back against the wall. Hidan stood standing but looked up. He scowled deep into his partners eyes, his gaze a mixture of contempt and discomfort. _Why the fuck does he wanna know about what shitty shit happens to me anyway?_ Hidan thought. 

“Are you still bleeding now?” Kakuzu asked. When Hidan didn’t answer, he continued. “Just go to the bathroom and clean yourself up before you stain your pants.”

Hidan looked confused for a moment before he went back to angry. He stormed off to the bathroom and surprisingly closed the door like a normal person. Kakuzu’s coming migraine thanked him for that. The sound of running water filled his ears while he put his cloak on. Today was another day of wandering around the Land of Fire and checking off areas. It certainly wasn’t the most practical way to hunt a jinchuriki, but it worked. It would be better if Hidan didn’t act like a literal teenager all the time though. The realization that Hidan would be complaining even more than usual for the next few days hit Kakuzu hard. 

“Hey, Kakuzu, buddy…” Hidan tentatively called. 

“ _What_?”

“Could’ja boot me a pair of underwear from my, uh, bag? Please?”

_Christ sake._ Kakuzu grumbled annoyedly to himself and tensed his body. He sincerely hoped that Hidan’s issue would stop as soon as possible so he wouldn’t have to help him deal with it. With a fed up notion, Kakuzu grabbed Hidan’s waist bag and tossed it through the small open crack of the bathroom door. No way in hell was he digging through that thing himself. Hidan couldn’t even store his injections properly without his help, so loose needle tips sometimes poked out. Kakuzu decided that the day he touched something that was in Hidan’s body would be the day he finally killed himself. 

Hidan came out of the bathroom holding his cloak in front of his legs. It didn’t take a genius to realize he didn’t have pants on. Kakuzu quickly turned and faced the wall. 

“Don’t go lookin’ at what ya can’t afford now,” Hidan teased, shuffling across the room for his pants from yesterday. 

“Did you fix it?” Kakuzu vaguely asked, not wanting to set Hidan off again. 

“Yeah, of course I fuckin did. I don’t have any actual shit to use cause I’d rather die than carry those bitches around, but I like, put toilet paper in there so that should be fine.”

“You’re going to go get _actual_ products from the front office before we leave,” Kakuzu instructed. 

“Fuck no! Why don’t _you_ ask that chick for a pad instead? I’m not fucking doing that!”

“Hidan! I’m not dealing with this for a week. Suck it up and steal them for all I care. Just be responsible for once!”

Though he was still facing the wall, Kakuzu knew Hidan was pouting, a sign that he was going to begrudgingly listen. Kakuzu breathed a sigh of relief. This morning madness was finally finished. He turned around just as Hidan was hopping in place and pulling his pants up. That was another one of Hidan’s childish demeanours. 

Hidan threw his cloak over his arms and sat down on the dusty floor. Kakuzu inwardly cringed. Did Hidan really have no dignity? 

“When’s your next injection due?” he asked. 

“Why do _you_ wanna know?”

“With how incompetent you are with every other aspect of your life, I wouldn’t doubt that injections were an exception. I want to see if you’re doing them right.”

“I’ve been doing them for like, two years with no problem. Why does it even matter?”

“Just show me,” Kakuzu commanded. 

Hidan pouted again and forced his shoe on. “Fine. You’re damn lucky that I need to take one today. Give me my bag.”

Kakuzu did him one better and gave him the plastic case that held his supplies. He heard a mumbled thanks in appreciation. Hidan scooted closer and pulled his pant leg down. _I just pulled that fucker up and down I’m pulling that fucker down,_ he thought amusingly. Making sure Kakuzu was watching, he got a fresh needle and a vial of testosterone out. Just as he was about to stick himself, an exasperated groan from Kakuzu stopped him. 

“What?”

“You really do it like that every time?”

“Yeah. Somethin’ wrong with it or what?”

“Yeah, there _is_ ‘something wrong with it’. For starters, you didn’t even think to get the air bubbles out. And you have to disinfect the area first. _And_ I bet you weren’t going to check if you got a vein either,” Kakuzu explained. 

“That’s all fine! It doesn’t matter for me since I’m a fucking immortal! Get off my dick!”

“Just let me do it.”

Kakuzu grabbed the testosterone filled needle from Hidan’s sweaty palms and flicked it. The air bubbles floated to the top. He pushed the plunger until a dribble of liquid came from the needle tip and Hidan angrily yelled at him for wasting it. Kakuzu ignored him and pinched the skin around Hidan’s thigh. The sense of dull touch there distracted the nerves enough so the needle felt less painful. 

Hidan anxiously watched the needle go into his skin. Kakuzu pulled the plunger back and, seeing that no blood came up, slowly pushed the liquid in until it was halfway done. He let go of Hidan’s leg and grabbed his hand, directing it to the needle. Hidan looked at him confused. 

“Push it at the same pace as I did,” Kakuzu said. 

“But that’s so slow.”

“It’s a thick liquid. You have to take your time with it.”

“Fine,” Hidan grumbled while steadily pushing the plunger until it was empty. “Slow enough for you, old bastard? If I do it like a snail every week yer’ just gonna get pissed at me for taking so fucking long.”

“It’s not my fault you have to do it weekly. Why not just live as a woman?”

That seemed to set Hidan off and he threw the used needle at Kakuzu’s chest. “Don’t fucking say that! I’m not a fucking woman and I never fucking was! Besides, all women do is yell and complain and screw.”

_But that explains you perfectly,_ Kakuzu exasperatedly thought. He picked the dirty needle up and threw it in the trash. Hidan pulled his pants back up and scowled. He held out his hand like a child asking for a snack. Kakuzu gave him a confused glance but Hidan didn’t speak. _Oh, right, the scythe_. 

Kakuzu nodded over to his bed. Hidan shouted a sharp insult and kicked the bed to the side. He grinned and threw his scythe back over his shoulders where it belonged. Kakuzu sighed and cursed his life. Even _Deidara_ would have been a better partner than Hidan. Or better yet, partner Hidan and Deidara together and let him be on his lonesome. 

Hidan strutted past Kakuzu and knocked him on the side. He looked up at the much taller man. 

“Don’t tell anyone I said this but… thank you, I guess,” he said red-faced. “For fuckin, like, showing me how to take T shots the right way and taking care of my mess or whatever.”

“It’s all part of my job of being your personal babysitter.”

“Hey, I didn’t know that the old man had a sense of fuckin humour!” 

“I don’t. Get your stuff and meet me outside after you get what you need from the front desk.”

“I will once you apologize, you fucker,” Hidan said half teasingly and half seriously. 

“For insinuating you should live as a woman?”

“Yeah, what else would I want you to apologize for? You’re so fucking dense, Kakuzu.”

Kakuzu kept the uneasy eye contact. Judging by Hidan’s expression, it looked like he was hoping for a sincere apology. _Did it really upset him that much? The cold hearted Jashinist is ruined by a little comment?_ Kakuzu swallowed his pride. If he didn’t apologize now then Hidan would be a nuisance for the rest of the jinchuriki hunt.

“Fine. I’m sorry I said you should live as a woman and I’m sorry I didn’t realize how much it would offend you. That better?”

“Nah. But I actually just wanted to hear you go soft for me for it don’t matter,” Hidan cackled. 

Kakuzu wished Hidan would go die already, but he knew that was impossible. They’d be stuck together as partners for as long as the Akatsuki existed. He didn’t doubt the fact that Hidan took pleasure from that statement. 

Who _wouldn’t_ want to annoy the shit out of an old immortal man for eternity? 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I’m a trans guy myself and I’m not on T yet, but I watch enough videos and read enough articles to understand how to give safe injections probably. 
> 
> Hidan and Kakuzu don’t like each other very much but they make do. Also, Hidan.... don’t swear so much like holy fuck calm down


End file.
